tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72098300995214562502024-03-13T12:59:55.132+10:00Dreams, Memories and Otherwise...Where the brain is tapped and the thoughts are poured outVincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.comBlogger131125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-20492665505820042082013-04-25T04:14:00.001+10:002013-04-25T04:14:27.621+10:00Woah… Who turned on the time machine?<p>Has it really been 2 years since I last blogged? This is pretty crazy. History repeats itself today with me saying “I probably should use this more often” <br /> <br />Let’s see how long that one lasts…. hahaha <br /></p> <p>I also see that a lot of my posts back then have been very depressing…. Or me being very frustrated with a lot of different things and a lot of different people. <br />However, things have changed, I have changed and I have matured so we’ll see if my next spree of posts show any different character in due time. <br /> <br />I don’t even know who reads this at this point. But yeah, have fun reading while it lasts <img style="border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none" class="wlEmoticon wlEmoticon-smilewithtongueout" alt="Smile with tongue out" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-SWKy5f_ZlkQ/UXghAXHzMWI/AAAAAAAAAC0/kaHKtO6LiVU/wlEmoticon-smilewithtongueout%25255B2%25255D.png?imgmax=800" /> </p> <p>Man those new emoticons are ugly… <br /> <br />That is all. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-71411206880286218272011-08-12T05:24:00.001+10:002011-08-12T05:24:16.943+10:00Ramblings 2<p>The feeling of self-hate and worthlessness are pretty frustrating to deal with… You have dreams and aspirations as to who you wish you could be and how you wish the world around you could be, about how you could play a part in the lives of the people around you… Yet you don’t feel worthy or fitting for such a role, the feeling of inadequacy seems to snuff out the smallest spark of hope and confidence that you might have had. You feel like no one would need you around, that no one would even notice if you were gone. That you don’t feel like anyone would see anything within you, that they wouldn’t see the potential that is buried deep within. </p> <p>The pent up whirlwind of emotions can become so volatile. Some days you just want to explode and scream… Or to just beat your fists against the wall. You just want some way of unleashing the tightness in the chest and releasing the burden on the shoulders.</p> <p>As the idiom goes, “a face only a mother could love”… Sometimes it does feel like it rings true. Speaking from a christian perspective, it feels like at times that only a Creator would love what he has made. For those without the knowledge of Christ it would be even harder to make it through. Even those who don’t have a choice in whether your part of their life or not cannot guarantee their support for you, even the idiom says “could”, as in possibly. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-60766532568280264182011-07-28T04:51:00.001+10:002011-07-28T04:51:19.166+10:00Recent Gaming Addictions<p>Well… I recently started playing games in the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney series. It’s a weird crime solving visual novel kind of game where you basically solve crime cases that always involve situations that are more than meets the eye. The games generally involve finding yourself so far up the creek without the paddle that the situation always seem hopelessly lost as you try and work your way out of a case and try to turn it around and find the true criminals. For some reason, I can’t get enough of these…. seemingly tragic, hopeless scenarios that get turned on its head. I dunno if I have mentioned in the pass about my pure hatred I have for romantic movies… anything that has a fairy tale love story I tend to utterly despise…. But… I find myself finding these set of games…. likeable… The main focus of the game is of course, not a love story but a story about the life of a defence lawyer. Somewhere in the background, the tragic love story of the lawyer is woven into the fabric of the story, but as the nature of the game goes of course, the tragedy gets turned on its head. Somehow, I think I only find this story more appealing due to the amount of problems and complications that arise and interfere… Perhaps it is because it’s a story, albeit a fantastically intricate tale, that reflects reality ever so slightly. It reflects the imperfections of any meeting, of how more often than not, things cannot be ideal and comfortable. Fairy tale knight in shining armour type romance just makes me cringe violently to be honest… But somehow… this story I found quite moving… the story kind of ends with the cliffhanger… the girl was in prison for being an accomplice in a murder case in which the victim had murderous intent to kill an innocent girl, and the lawyer was on visitations. But that was where it got left at… So I suppose because of the less than ideal circumstances, I have this nagging wish that the game producers continue to unfold this story arc. Alas, I don’t think that’s happening… It was only a visit with some implied remnant feelings… but nothing explicitly stated the nature of their relationship and is all left to the speculation of the player. So I guess I still find the ending slightly unsatisfactory… but hey… I don’t normally like romantic stories so this is a first in itself I guess… </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-24118916796248587372011-07-15T15:21:00.001+10:002011-07-15T15:21:54.542+10:00Ramblings 1<p>I’ve been thinking about how the human spirit seems to be solely driven by love or the need to feel loved/need to love. While I suppose that finding someone who reciprocates love could possibly be one of the greatest joys in this life, the catch is that unrequited love also feels like a sledgehammer to the face. I wonder, what was God’s original intention for creating this man-woman relationship?… Sure humans have clearly fallen from perfection and have chosen not to follow God and therefore miss their life purpose, but unrequited love seems like an inherent component to love that is unrelated at all to the imperfections of mankind. <br /> <br />Where am I going with this? well… In the bible, Adam and Eve (first humans) were created in the Garden of Eden. They were perfect at the time and had not rebelled by taking the fruit of the knowledge of Good and Evil. They were commanded to be fruitful and multiply and have dominion over the earth and all it’s creatures. Adam and Eve are the first married couple right? They were created to be in relationship with each other. Now with only 2 people that were a match made in Heaven, not much can go wrong, but what if they did not rebel and continued to multiply and prosper? With a larger pool of people that are trying to find partners is it not inevitable to reach a point where unrequited love exists? </p> <p>So why am I thinking about this? well… In the last book of the Bible (Revelations), it mentions that when believers reach heaven they will be in fellowship with Jesus and will be made perfect (as Adam and Eve were also perfect at the time of creation). </p> <p>Revelations 7 :17  </p> <p>“For the Lamb at the center of the throne <br />   will be their shepherd; <br />‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’<sup>[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation+7&version=NIV#fen-NIV-30828b">b</a>]</sup> <br />   ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’”</p> <p>That verse about wiping the tears away, well apparently according to commentaries its about how, in the perfect renewed life in heaven, believers will have no more sorrow and tears. Well the thing is, in the beginning humans were perfect before God to begin with so by being renewed we are made perfect again… So that would mean they had no sorrow or tears either at the beginning, at least not until they turned away. <br /> <br />So back to the speculation of whether unrequited love would exist if humans never rebelled and simply multiplied and enjoyed life as it was intended. It’s a mind boggling bit of hypothesising really. Well it is mind boggling if you read it as “unrequited love is bitter, therefore it could not exist if there is no sorrow.” since it is counter intuitive to the fact that as a population gets larger, conflicting (love) interests are almost guaranteed. However, I suppose there is another reading of Revelations 7:17… God will wipe away the tears… which means that the tears have to be there in the first place. As in God will comfort those with a reason for sorrow in person. In this perspective, I guess its not as confusing really… It’s more about God being a source of comfort and guidance for those who are wallowing in sorrow. </p> <p>I guess in light of the second reading of the passage, unrequited love could possibly coexist with perfection (in the scenario of humans having never rebelled). The bible states that marriage is specifically related to the existence of a physical body on earth and hence this whole rambling so far is merely based on the speculation of what would happen if man never sinned in the first place. For the believers who enter the Kingdom of God, there will be no marriage since there is no sin (lust) that needs controlling, and there is no death that there is no need for reproduction. God is the Heavenly Father, so to enter Heaven is to be invited into his family… So there is no longer any need to be married, which is used to form new families. </p> <p>I suppose unrequited love and rejection is something that seems to be intrinsic to the nature of love. So the sadness that is also linked to it has been a source of fascination to humans since the dawn of time basically… In theatre and drama as well as art, in fact any creative medium has long been created around the exploration and expression of the joys and sadness that comes with love and love unwanted. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-7207363029697748432011-06-05T19:34:00.001+10:002011-06-05T19:34:35.167+10:00Aura<p>Have you ever noticed that some people naturally just cheer up the entire atmosphere of a place they walk into? Or perhaps a person who seems to calm and tame a situation merely by presence alone. It seems this ‘aura’, that I’ve come to acknowledge it as. exudes from a combination of mannerism as well as personality. It’s like a subconscious tendency of a character that has been refined their personality, mannerism and speech over time to produce that aura. A childhood friend of mine emits a kind of happy, comical kind of aura… His mere presence  in a place seems to make everyone he communicate with very cheerful and naturally makes people laugh a lot, which is pretty cool and works out great. Another friend, who’s a bit older but also a childhood friend naturally has this quality that makes people want to look to him as a leader. </p> <p>This aura thing also seems to work in reverse too though… Some people just make you feel irritated by how they act and talk… Or sometimes just brings this depressing air that trails around them. </p> <p>Just a random thought I thought about. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-12379563195943719272011-05-23T01:18:00.001+10:002011-05-23T01:25:55.632+10:00The Hardest Part…<p>The hardest things in life, it seems, always has something to do with relationships. No matter who you are, it seems the most painful thing is not death but separation, rejection or fear of separation or rejection. I guess overtime the feeling of worthlessness builds up as it feels like noone would ever want to be with you and that the people you try to approach seem to just brush you off. Whether there is any truth to those feelings is another story completely, but it feels so hard to figure out what someone thinks of you from one’s limited perspective. </p> <p>It always feel like such a gamble to chase after someone, like you’re speeding through a minefield and just hoping you get lucky and survive, or like your speeding through a busy intersection on a red light and hoping you don’t get killed. Maybe I just suck at reading hints and clues but… it feels like it’s always bound for failure. Maybe it is just a big gamble in which you throw all your cards in and hope that you have the winning hand, just hoping that the thought that you were a pretty nice guy that she’d be willing to go out with had occurred to her. </p> <p>You’d think if someone liked you then they would at least open opportunities to converse. I for one know that I am mostly terrible at hiding my interests… So I’d just assume that if I was so obvious that it would be easy to reciprocate if they were themselves interested. So this feels like it drags full circle and that all that invested emotional energy has gone to waste. I suppose it is worse to be lead on, to have false hope and then crushed… like having a straight flush only to be crushed on an all in by a royal flush… </p> <p>I suppose as a guy, it’s expected of us to put ourselves on the line to give that proverbial loaded gun to the opposite party… But it gets harder and harder to drag your bullet-riddled body back out in front of the death squad to face the music each time… I suppose perhaps things may change and new light might be shed on the situation as time goes on… but the tearing fear of getting shot down doesn’t feel like it will go away any time soon… </p> <p>Well at least it gives me some respite having just thrown it out there. To just say what is on my mind…. I should use this space more often… even though I don’t know who reads this… or if anyone reads this at all.</p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-3055853979001495642011-02-17T15:08:00.001+10:002011-02-17T15:08:18.679+10:00Time to Face the Truth<p>My life is brilliant. <br />My life is brilliant. <br />My love is pure. <br />I saw an angel. <br />Of that I'm sure. <br />She smiled at me on the subway. <br />She was with another man. <br />But I won't lose no sleep on that, <br />'Cause I've got a plan. <br /> <br />You're beautiful. You're beautiful. <br />You're beautiful, it's true. <br />I saw your face in a crowded place, <br />And I don't know what to do, <br />'Cause I'll never be with you. <br />Yeah, she caught my eye, <br />As we walked on by. <br />She could see from my face that I was, Flying high,</p> <p>And I don't think that I'll see her again, <br />But we shared a moment that will last till the end. <br />You're beautiful. You're beautiful. <br />You're beautiful, it's true. <br />I saw your face in a crowded place, <br />And I don't know what to do, <br />'Cause I'll never be with you. <br /> <br />You're beautiful. You're beautiful. <br />You're beautiful, it's true. <br />There must be an angel with a smile on her face, <br />When she thought up that I should be with you. <br /><strong>But it's time to face the truth, <br />I will never be with you.</strong></p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-88274607357284085002011-02-13T19:02:00.001+10:002011-02-13T19:02:33.572+10:00Where to from here?<p>They said, it’s not over till its over… well… I guess that’s the end of that…</p> <p>Now what do I do with myself…..? </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-4284188061807840912010-12-10T04:48:00.001+10:002010-12-10T04:48:06.425+10:00Hong Kong 2010<p>Well, back in HK for Christmas this year. Gymming every single day. Most people associate HK with shopping and eating :P… I’m spending like 2 hours in the gym basically everyday. Normally I absolutely hate gymming… it just feels so boring. But I suppose here, I have nothing better to do. It’s like my yearly weight training program hahaha…</p> <p>It’s actually quite ego boosting being here in HK… lol… whenever I go shopping for clothes, sports gear in particular, shop assistants seem to always note on our physical prowess. lol… It’s actually quite amusing. I suppose the average population don’t look particularly strong or muscular considering how small the asian frame is lol… In Australia, I’d be guaranteed not to receive that kind of response as its much more common to have people who are quite visibly fit. </p> <p>o wells…. lol… Hopefully I’ll be stronger and faster by the time I get back. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-47652041046122118262010-11-27T00:31:00.003+10:002010-12-07T13:54:25.213+10:00The Curse of Beauty<p>Haven’t blogged in month… i think the last post was in may… so its been agggeesss.. half a year…</p> <p>Well i was just doing some chores for my parents, while I was pondering something that was spoken to me many years ago… well about 3.5 years ago anyways… I was at the time consulting the school psychologist at the time… and she mentioned how she rarely had to counsel anyone with any serious degree of depression or any fears of rejection or peer opinion. I asked her what the the most common cause for counselling was, and her answer was that most of the students that seek counselling are girls, girls that most would consider very beautiful. Apparently, those people struggle to socialise, particularly with the opposite gender, because people do not feel like they are good enough to be around them. </p> <p>For a while, I couldn’t understand why that could possibly happen. It baffled me that those girls, whom are extremely popular and liked by all, would struggle with anything social. They had such power and influence. Although, at the time, even though there where people I liked, I wouldn’t socialise with them or hang around them… I’d say like an awkward greeting and walk off… and the feeling was the constant gnawing thoughts of “why would she even like a person like me?” or “what chance do I have when there are so many other guys who are stronger/smarter/sportier/better looking/more outgoing etc.?” </p> <p>I suppose beauty in such a sense… is very much a curse. Noone seems able to relax or be themselves around them, especially when interacting with the opposite gender. Maybe that's how girls would find it, I dunno. You either get guys that are just sleazy and just plain creepy, or they are withdrawn or stuttering messes around you. Awkward either way, and uncomfortable in some cases. </p> <p>I suppose I’d formerly categorise myself as the latter, withdrawn and stuttering… but I suppose even now, so much energy and effort is required to be myself and not relapse back into the old. It’s like a struggle between wanting to talk and socialising… and why bother trying… you feel inadequate to approach, yet you want to… You talk and you feel like a nuisance… and you try to be yourself and to get to know them, yet constantly expecting to be rejected or cold shouldered/ignored… </p> <p>Its intriguing and kind of sad how those who aren’t extraordinarily beautiful would be envious and jealous of those who are, or be unable to be themselves around those who are. And those who are beautiful can find it such a burden to carry. </p> <p>There is no analogy that I can think of that can describe Love… It’s something that we crave for it, we strive for it, we live and die for it. It might feel fantastic and cause your spirit to soar when it is reciprocated… Uneasiness, discomfort and awkwardness when it’s unrequited… Or soul crushing, draining and shattering when rejected. There is nothing that can be used to compare to it. Yet there is nothing that can replace it… this urge and desire for love is almost primal… </p> <p>Being a christian and all, some might say “well, we have Jesus, isn’t his unfailing love sufficient?”. Well, Adam, the first man according to the bible, even in direct communion with God and all his creation, was given Eve as a partner and helper. There was an urge for a relationship other than the one with God and nothing in all creation, other than Eve, would satisfy that urge. You can’t get away from it… You can’t try and ignore it by filling your life with something else, like pets, or hobbies or games. </p> <p>Anyways… I’ve sidetracked a fair bit… I suppose the point is that, beauty can be such a curse. Yet it is only a curse because we desire love; and love… is something that one cannot run or hide from. Well you can try… but you can’t run. </p> <p>That is all… </p>Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-72735089389675582282010-05-25T20:50:00.001+10:002010-05-25T20:50:29.829+10:00Computer has Returned<p>After investing just under $500 on a full system upgrade, my computer is back online now… Ok well it might not have taken $500 if I went for a more economical solution rather than… Overkill… I got a new 2TB 7200rpm sata hdd, additional 9800GT 1GB, new wireless adapter card, 2x2GB of DDR2 800MHz ram to boost to 6GB of ram… the mother board now only has space for additional hdd’s and 2 more GB of ram… The next time i upgrade my computer… it will be a new tower and motherboard. and possibly investing into some cooling systems… :P </p> <p>Most of my software has been reinstalled… but yeah the new configuration is actually quite beneficial as i can put everything in its own partition and defrag each partition separately leading to a more efficient computer in general :P</p> <p>That is all…</p> <p>Gaming shall be epic on this machine now :P gotta wait till those holidays… and not get distracted before hand… </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-20527146772311852032010-04-15T21:37:00.001+10:002010-04-15T21:37:30.170+10:00Computer Viruses<p>Man… so pissed off… wasted so much time in the last 24 hours trying to fix my computers… tried taking apart my laptop to fix the keyboard to no avail… then realised my usb had infected my desktop with a virus cos my msn was spamming links… had to leave my computer on all night to do a full scan… cos i didn’t know it was my usb, and then i installed kaspersky onto my laptop and found 2 more viruses on my laptop… yeah… hopefully my computer is clean now…</p> <p>But yeah… still pretty pissed cos my msn is always getting all these adds from bots… and this blog… is always being spammed by bots… some more discrete then others… and its piss annoying… I think its just really sad and low how some people find it so amusing creating and spreading these retarded bots and viruses around just to make people’s lives hard. </p> <p>Ah well… whatever… </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-43150672857726560392010-03-19T23:57:00.001+10:002010-03-21T23:43:31.148+10:00This thing called love.<p>I think most of us would agree that our lives are driven by love for something or someone. Whatever it is that you like most during that period of your life will be the driving force of that period of your life. It is something you will almost constantly think about whenever you have a spare moment or even when you should be focusing on something else. Whether it be your family, friends, loved ones, or even material objects like cars etc. I guess most people will want to find someone they love and to be able to spend time with the people they love. Love can bring great joy and comfort into our lives. </p> <p>However, love can also bring great pain and sorrow into our lives as well. If a loved one is suffering you will share their burden. If a loved one passes away you will grieve over them. If someone you loved turns away from you, you will feel broken because of them. If you like someone who doesn’t like you back, you feel empty because of that. </p> <p>I guess for me, my life has revolved around the very last one that I’ve mentioned. This thing called unrequited love is something that has always pestered me at every turn. It leaves a heart wrenching feeling every time you think about it. Every time you see this person you will keep wishing things were different, you try to be normal but instead you become extremely self-aware. Even after you leave the place where you saw the person, they are still constantly on your mind and you’re still agonising over the reality of the situation.</p> <p>Some days I wish I didn’t have to love at all… to give up the potential joys of having love and bypass the guaranteed pains of love. But that would be impossible… because that would be desiring not to be human. I hate watching romantic movies because it causes me to think about where I am at… and thus it pains me greatly to watch those kinds of movies especially really idealistic ones like “a walk to remember” or stuff like that. But I guess if I was in a different situation then I would like those kinds of movies because it would relate positively to my own experiences. </p> <p>But I guess these things can’t be helped… I guess all I can really do is pray that one day I will find what I hope for. nyeah… </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-50954521048313206192010-03-16T19:44:00.001+10:002010-03-21T23:42:24.765+10:00Our so called Christian Country… and our self-proclaimed Christians…<p>Western civilisations all claim to have a Christian heritage. They all have had some connection with the church… Nowadays our society barely recognises who they are and where they come from. Sadly still, many Christians seem to barely know who they are and who they follow. Of course there are a lot of Christians out there and the general rule of which the actions of a few ruin the reputation of many still apply which means that a majority of Christians out there are probably fairing ok. But enough beating around the bush.</p> <p>So I went to uni today and I went to Koorong after uni to find 2 Toby Mac CDs (which btw are great). While I was in the store for the full 20 minutes I heard this woman who had a child with her and the kid was about 7 years old. Now I dunno if she actually has a mental condition which caused it but she was speaking very loudly and clearly wasn’t thinking through what she was saying. It wasn’t slurred speech or tourettes but more like she couldn’t be selective of what she chooses to say and what not to say… Lacking of social awareness I guess… Now apparently some other lady looked at her oddly perhaps because its an uncommon sight. You don’t see many 35 year old women talking so callously… </p> <p>Now with a child, the women was married and the husband was in the store somewhere else… while the women was talking really loudly to her kid about how the other women was glaring at her and looked at her weirdly and about how rude she was etc. Meanwhile there were two other men in the store that I saw and overheard talking also very loudly about how annoying this woman was. They were complaining to each other about how much of a nuisance this woman was and how she is telling the whole world about a problem that they didn’t care about and how they which she’d just shut up etc. I was just happily leaning against a computer listening to music samples before I decided to buy the CDs.</p> <p>Well as I was at the counter paying for the CDs the two men decided to approach this woman and basically they started verbally abusing her. Saying how she should get out of the store and take her problem elsewhere and whatever. The lady starts calling them unchristian and calling them evil and all sorts of weird things and saying how she has the right to speak loudly just as they have the right to drink and smoke (I don’t know but I think that was meant to be an insult…). The men respond by saying something like “Is that how you got your husband? Is that how you treat your husband?” and then the guy walks around the corner saying “I’m her husband” and the 2 men say to him “Well take her out of here!”. </p> <p>I left before the episode finished… But since all of them were in a KOORONG store… which is a CHRISTIAN store… I’d automatically assume that they were all Christians… And that was the most disgraceful display of public behaviour by Christians I’ve ever seen. Those 2 men… no patience, no kindness, no gentleness, no politeness, no manners and no forgiveness... Luckily they didn’t say where they were from or else that would ruin the reputation of their entire church. These two men could’ve approached nicely and asked her to be a little more quiet because it was distracting… would have avoided the conflict entirely. They also should not request someone be thrown out of the store… </p> <p>Now the woman (if she was able to… maybe she has some form of mental or speech impediment that prevents her from controlling what she says) should’ve not have verbalised her negative opinions about others so loudly… In fact she shouldn’t have verbalised them at all, not in public and especially not within earshot of the other person. When the two men approached she shouldn’t have replied so smugly to stir up the two men… She didn’t have the “right” to speak loudly and inconsiderately… she is in public and she is sharing the space with other humans and neither was anything she said beneficial and so shouldn’t have said any of it in the first place. Implying that the two men were alcoholics and substance abusers really didn’t help the case. </p> <p>I was thinking about this on the drive home… and a myriad of bits and pieces of bible verses just flooded into my mind… so these are probably all paraphrased… <br />Blessed is the woman with a quiet soul… that is, to know what she ought to say and what she shouldn’t say and to say things only when it is appropriate. <br />Turn the other cheek, if someone takes your tunic offer him your coat as well. If someone forces you to walk a mile, walk another mile for him… Compassion? Grace? Selflessness? <br />If what you do will cause your brother to sin then it is better that you do not do it. (Something about stumbling blocks)… This verse is pretty self-explanatory… <br />Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, do not let Satan get a foothold in your heart. And can’t remember where but Jesus said that Hating your brother is as bad as murdering your brother. And so Jesus clearly condemned anger of any form… because as humans we are not capable of righteous fury that God is capable of. <br />Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.”</p> <p>I don’t understand how self-respecting Christians would ever allow themselves to degrade to something like that. But yeah I thought the bible was pretty clear on what kind of behaviour God expected from us. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-27412658419397810452010-03-10T00:05:00.001+10:002010-03-21T23:41:30.620+10:00Morality in Games<p>Now as most people might now, I’m a pretty heavy gamer. I play a LOT of games. Many games now a days allows the players to make choices when it comes to important decisions in the life of the characters. It forces the player to live with the consequences of their actions. Now I also have spent a great deal of time watching other people play games and in turn the choices they make in game. Even though I know I am playing a game, I find it hard to force myself to make selfish or immoral choices in games however I know a few people who are more than willing to make those choices mostly just because its amusing to watch your character torture innocent people (and perhaps have a easier run through the game). Some might call me soft but perhaps its because I grew up being pushed around myself and perhaps its also because I am a christian but I find it incredibly difficult to harm an unarmed opponent that has no intention of fighting or hurting me. In real life I train in kung fu and most of the time cannot visualise myself fighting with a bladed weapon capable of killing my opponent unintentionally, I can only see myself using blunt weapons where I can control the amount of damage I inflict.</p> <p>In the past when I play games I’ve only been able to make choices that are of high moral grounds or at lowest, relatively neutral choices. Many games like Baldur’s gate, Neverwinter’s Night, Knights of the Old Republic I & II, etc. etc.  RPG games in general I find myself constantly playing similar characters because I cannot seem to make “evil” choices. </p> <p>Recently I was playing a game called Bioshock 2, its a very sweet but extremely twisted story. There are these little girls in the game that gather some kind of medium for hosting genetically engineered organisms that give you special powers. Sci-Fi dystopian story blah blah blah. whatever. anyways, you get a choice to save them from their enslaved, drugged up existence or you can choose to harvest their bodies of the medium which you need yourself, essentially killing the girl in process. I played the entire game without harvesting a single one of them mainly because I couldn’t bring myself to doing something like that. Perhaps some would call me soft but hey..</p> <p>Anyways yeah, I dunno what the point was for writing this but I guess I find is a lot more difficult to make “immoral/mean” choices that other people don’t seem to have any trouble making.</p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-78260090016781261672010-02-02T02:13:00.001+10:002010-03-21T23:40:49.944+10:00Road of Life…<p>When one goes through hard times, one’s motivation to keep walking forward feels like a candle flickering in front of a cyclone. I guess when struggles are really tough, some people effectively get doused out… Those people fall, and like a fault shattering through a piece of concrete to release the stress of the weight on the concrete, and they seek out vents for the built up stress, tension and anxieties. Some people fall into drugs, alcohol and all sorts of addictions… work… whatever… in order to break off and vent like an overheated car venting out steam…. I guess as a christian, faith in Jesus is like having the best mechanic in the world with all the parts he could ever need sitting in your passenger seat… But one must still be willing to give him control of the car, and to let him maintain and keep your car in good shape… Although as humans, we tend to be stubborn… We like to take control of our lives even when the direction we take or our methods of doing things or the way we live our lives simply is not good for us or good for those around us. It’s like driving and ignoring all the warning lights, low oil, low coolant, low fuel etc. We have a tendency of being self-sufficient to the point of breaking down… Until we are stranded and have no where to go, with no help in reach… Only then do we realise that the pers0n with the ability to completely fix and top up our car has been sitting beside us the whole time. With Jesus, one is never alone… He will always be there to help you get through whatever your facing… But even in the face of trials, one must still humble oneself and admit one is lost and broken down, unable to move on by ourselves… We still must commit everything to Jesus for him to get us out. You can’t say, can you fill up my car… but don’t touch the radiator, don’t fill the coolant back  up, because you’re bound to get only a few more km’s before your car overheats again.  You must let him fix everything… </p> <p>It doesn’t matter what kind of car represents your life, perhaps its a sleek supercar or its a rickity antique of a car. I’d gather most of us do not know how to maintain it. You’re life is a God given gift, the manufacturer is God… the chief mechanic is Jesus… and comes with lifetime warrantee… but you still need to let Jesus into your life to let him change and fix things. </p> <p>If I go back to the candle analogy, we all know that putting tissue paper into a candle will cause it to burn up very quickly… Extremely effective fuel. But not everything burns up that quickly… Some things don’t burn well… they will cause the fire to diminish, like putting sand into the fire. Even as a christian, sometimes it feels like i’m being blown all over the place… You ask god for direction and he answers… but sometimes what he decides for you is hard to swallow… Like he’s putting in some unknown substance into the candle.. you struggle to break it down and burn it up as fuel. It’s sometimes difficult to imagine how God will get me through some situations… But when he does, you  burn so much brighter than you did before… </p> <p>Back to the car analogy, I guess even if you hand everything over to Jesus, the road you travel with him will still go through some dark and scary places… but you won’t be alone… and you know he will get you through it… You won’t be stranded because he will always find a way to get you out… </p> <p>I think even as a Christian, I still struggle to give everything to Jesus… when life gets scary I’m still like a petrified idiot that doesn’t know what to do. When the going gets tough, I still feel under the weather… which is natural… But it’s tiring and nerve-racking… But I know that I am in better hands because Jesus is with me through it all.</p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-43157537796287782922010-01-23T23:14:00.001+10:002010-01-23T23:14:18.134+10:00BLT 2010<p>Haven’t written anything here for a long while… but BLT was so good that I just had to blog about it :P</p> <p>So yeah, just came back from BLT which is a week long conference on Christian leadership. The sermons that were given were fantastic and the strand group work that we did was really interesting and helpful for ministry, but the most incredible thing was the fellowship that we had with each other. You got to discuss and talk and share just about anything with people that were great examples of christian living and leadership and just being able to observe how they lived was so encouraging. Being able to listen to their stories and experiences with ministry and with Christ was a great blessing. </p> <p>I just hope that this year I will be able to maintain daily bible reading and prayer and be determined to keep reading and praying and to continuously grow throughout the year. </p> <p>But yeah… BLT is great.. can’t wait till next year</p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-52986477480624015762010-01-15T01:14:00.001+10:002010-01-15T01:14:13.830+10:00Bad Hair Day<p>Woke up today with the worst hair possible I reckon… Funny thin was that one of my friend’s was over for a good portion of the day and never commented on it and I realised after a few hours how ridiculous I looked when I went to the toilet and looked in the mirror. I reckon it was my most super saiyan-isque looking hair to date. If only I had golden hair and green eyes and glowed lol… </p> <p>Speaking of super saiyan, I have successfully used the blowtorch that we got to make creme brulee… altho I curdled the custard a little tinie bit… but it was the first time ever making custard so… I reckon it was pretty good. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-41206413910186440462009-12-28T15:16:00.001+10:002009-12-28T23:23:57.682+10:00You are an Idiot…<p>That Is what I call almost everyone when they do the slightest thing out of the norm. I should stop doing that… they call me a joykill instead… which makes sense sometimes. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-23163021136796175582009-12-19T00:51:00.000+10:002009-12-19T02:48:14.635+10:00I pity the fool... I pity the world.Some days I see things that I wish I could step in and beat some sense into some people... Outright smash their face in... In direct proportion to the amount of putrid, fetid, disgraceful public display of uncivilised behaviour those people exhibit. This world should have no place for these kinds of pathetic lifeforms and to say that I'm finding it sad that there is such a place for these people would be an understatement of the resentment I feel towards society. I should explain why I am saying such words about society so here goes.<br /><br />I went to a restaurant today for dinner with some family friends... This guy from the room across from our little reserved room came out and started yelling at the waitress that gave them their bill... He was this fat guy that spoke mandarin and it was clear as day that he was a mainlander... he couldn't have made it anymore obvious that he was even if he engraved it into his forehead. Now, where he is from is not important... I have nothing against mainlanders. I am not racist. BUT... he came out and yelled at the waitress about the bill being <span style="font-style: italic;">too expensive.</span> I mean this guy, he obviously saw the prices of the restaurant, ordered food and ate it knowing exactly how much it would cost him. He would order drinks and what not, knowing <span style="font-style: italic;">full well</span> that it was gonna cost him money. Now if he genuinely didn't know the prices then that's his fault for not reading the prices properly with the 15 other people he was with. But the fact that he raged at a waitress that a. had no control over the prices, b. was just doing her job and c. have no idea about your situation then I feel that guy should seriously think about what he is doing... but... he not only flamed her, he HIT her as well... Now that is the point were I almost picked myself up to go kick his ass and pin him by his throat to a wall... crush his ribs and possibly crush his manhood with my knee because no man like that should be allowed to call himself a man.<br /><br />That of course would be illegal on my part cos I probably would kill him by accident in the process. But seriously what the hell is wrong with people these days... As it is, that guy is friggin hell-bound. Even if I bashed his face in so hard that he was begging for mercy & forgiveness, that would be the least of his problems....<br /><br />As a christian, the above sounds far too hateful and violent to be coming out of my mouth. As a believer of Jesus, I'm suppose to love people... and hate sin... to be able to show love and kindness to sinners yet hate the sin that is in each and every one of us because even that ass-hole at the restaurant isn't technically beyond redemption. But I don't hate him because of who he is, I simply hate what he is doing. Perhaps beating the living crap out of him would be just a *tinie* bit excessive just to stop one guy from hitting one girl once (My judgement is far from perfect as you can see). People wonder why this whole place is going to hell... but it is clear as day exactly why this whole world is going to hell... We ourselves can be like that pathetic excuse of a man... but even if we arn't... We turn a blind eye and ALLOW such people to act that way... We do not do the good that we could have done to prevent such people from doing what they do... So I say with confidence that we are not good people... and couldn't be further away from perfect.<br /><br />In my opinion, there is only one way to change this world.... I'm not saying this because I am trying to make people believe what I believe. But this is what I logically believe to be the only solution...<br /><br />The solution is for ALL people to WANT to love and be kind and gentle with each other. It is for people to WANT to not act violently to each other. For people to WANT to not steal and covet the goods of each other. For people to WANT to not be jealous or envious of each other. This is not possible for humans as they are now and always have been... PEACE is not possible without the above becoming reality, and it will never be reality. In order for people to want to do the above, they must first agree that they are part of the problem, and they must desire to NOT live as they have in the past. They must desire to be free from the influences of the despicable culture and society that we live in.<br /><br />I personally believe that there is a God and that this universe and everything in it, each and every one of us were made by this God. A lot of people think that there can't be a God because of how bad the state of the world is. I think it is our fault that the world is as it is today because we have chosen to live in a godless society in ways so disgraceful that it makes us cringe at how low we can get. If apocalypse comes I think that's a good thing cos the world is better off without us.<br /><br />If I was God, I would have blown this place to hell a few thousand years ago and not bother with trying to clean up this mess. In fact he has stopped us from flattening the earth ourselves, considering how much nuclear weapons are still in existence. But from what I know, God hasn't annihilated us yet... cos we are still here. But I don't think any single one of us humans can say that if they were to stand trial before God, that they would be completely clean... It's not possible. From what I have read in the Bible, it becomes obvious why God hasn't screwed us all over yet even though we all deserve it. He has chosen to give us a second chance to beg for forgiveness. Now if you commit a crime, you have a sentence and you can pay for bail... in this case it is a death sentence and to bail, someone else who is "innocent" must die in your stead.<br /><br />God sent Jesus to live amongst us 2000 years ago, our timeline of our existence is measured relative to the lifespan of this guy if you didn't know what B.C and A.D meant. Jesus was essentially God in human form. He, being God, overcame the pathetic-ness of our existence ie. He was perfect. Truly innocent in every sense. He was killed by us, so that he could be the "innocent" death required for your bail so that you could actually beg for forgiveness and actually receive it.<br /><br />If you tell me, I can't prove this... well I can blog about that another day.<br />But for now... Let me say this much about the crap we are force fed through our "education" systems... and everything we know about science.<br /><br />IF something is not true at a small scale, it cannot be true on a large scale and therefore is not true at all. Let me give you an example, Carbon 14 dating will not work for a corpse of a cow that died two days ago. Therefore it will not work for a cow that died 200 years ago and will also not work for a cow that died 2000 years ago. Let me give you a counter example, Gravity works on the dust that is in your room, therefore it worked for the cannonballs dropped by Galileo Galilei dropped from the top of the Tower of Piza in the early 17th century and has also worked for all the moons, planets and stars you see in the sky at night as they are still there after all these years.<br /><br />But back to my original topic, humans as they are now have NO future that they will EVER be proud of. Looking at human history, I don't think that there is a period or era that everyone on earth can agree upon completely as a proud moment in history. No, not even the Renaissance... As in the end we only thought of more ways to kill each other. Society as it is, is doomed and, if you'll excuse me, F**KED. Perhaps we should open our eyes to what is happening around us and see that we ourselves are the ones in need of help the most.<br /><br />Perhaps I wouldn't be so keen about learning martial arts if everyone was perfect. But as it is, I do learn martial arts and am keen about being good at it for my own sake and for the sake of the people I cherish.Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-14317213465672046352009-12-13T01:56:00.001+10:002009-12-13T02:20:43.677+10:00Hong Kong Wedding CelebrationsWell, today has been thoroughly hectic as... I've taken probably some 600+ photos today with just under 400 shots in my final count... All this composition thinking all day is so draining... Intense photography training... I could probably become a wedding photographer or something after this lol... Now I'm editing all of those photos and yeah... I'm getting lazy and just batch editing it all in one fell swoop lol... and picking out all the ones that need individual finishing... I'm generally too lazy to do anything dramatic tho... but meh...<br /><br />The results will probably be up on facebook by like.. tomorrow hahaha...<br /><br />All in all it was a good celebration. Particularly amusing at the tea ceremony bit, and Rebekah was trying to say the names of all our relatives in chinese :P or at least their titles :P but its all fairly straight forward, I guess due in part to traditionally massive chinese families. Which means aunties and uncles are given a title depending on their "tier" on the family tree and which side of the family tree they are on... then it's a simply method of giving a numerical number based on the age of the uncle or auntie in question relative and that number is transferred to the spouse of that uncle or auntie. I'd have to say that Rebekah improved pretty quickly :P the first couple were not pronounced that accurately but the others were getting pretty darn close haha<br /><br />anyways, they got all sorts of expensive gifts during that ceremony :P the perks of having a chinese style wedding banquet i suppose :P hahaha Probably enough there to buy a small car haha ok maybe it would be second hand but who cares :P<br /><br />anyways :P<br />its taking an age and a half to process all the photos...Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-24578372000172321462009-12-10T03:48:00.000+10:002009-12-10T03:59:04.762+10:00Hong KongWell... I haven't been bothered updating my blog yet since I've arrived... I've been pretty lazy... I've spent a lot of money on stuff... like HK$3300 worth of stuff... probably more. My bank account is probably hurting... seeing how I just paid for BLT Jan a few weeks ago as well... so yeah...<br /><br />it's almost 2am over here... so about 4am Aus time. so I should probably sleep soon. I have pretty pitiful self-control to be up at this hour in the morning so regularly.<br /><br />I'm starting to get irritated with the bombardment of hypothetical girlfriend situation/questions I'm getting from my relatives... It's making me think too much about where I'm at. Looks like I won't be seeing the end of it any time soon.<br /><br />Vincent CVincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-83965869735525874682009-11-22T19:14:00.001+10:002009-11-22T19:25:02.035+10:00Self Reflections…<p>Some days I feel that deep inside I’m a perfectionist… Crushing myself over every little mistake even if the consequences of those mistakes didn’t matter. Some days I still feel like I am weak and pathetic, unable to live up to my expectations of myself. It’s those days and moments that make me act the way I used to act before I became a christian. I feel that if I am unable to meet even my expectations, what would other people expect out of me and what would they think of me… It’s why I hate team sports… you have other people’s expectations to meet… You are expected to be at a certain position or to know where a certain teammate is and you are expected to move and perform in a certain way… I was bought up playing individual sports… and so I have trouble keeping a wide perspective on the game, to be able to focus on the peripheral activity and process all the team information at the same time as focusing on the opponent right in front of me… When I fail to do something properly (not counting when I’m clearly outplayed, that’s fine… I can admit to losing, its when I screw up personally that is the problem…) I beat myself up over it… When I feel tired from running around, I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling the pressure… that I should be better than I actually am… that I am weak…. If I do talk to anyone, I always end up talking about my mistakes, and trying to make excuses for them…. </p> <p>Its time like this where I can barely communicate with anyone… I avoid people’s glances out of fear of their comments on my lack of ability… I feel really awkward and hesitant to talk about anything with anyone because I feel like I am inferior enough as it is… and that they will somehow, for some reason brush me off… It’s times like these that make me feel really anxious… </p> <p>Before I became a christian, this was my everyday life… I hated who I was…. but even after being a christian… this… old self of mine… resurfaces every once in a while… especially in times when I need to work with other people… doing things that I am not particularly good at or brilliant at… </p> <p>I don’t even know why I’m typing this… I just feel like I should spill this out somewhere… I feel like I have giant attitude/mood swings…. but its more about how I perceive myself. One moment I am optimistic and carefree… the next second I am a pessimist and emo….</p> <p>nyeah… that is all… </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-61601268553841584612009-11-20T01:02:00.001+10:002009-11-20T01:02:09.052+10:00FREEEEEDDDOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!<p>I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE <br /> <br />ITS OVVVEEERRRRR hahahaha yeah! lol.. the stress is OOOVVVEER i feel like im going insane but im FREEE!</p> <p>ahhh… now what do i do with my time… </p> <p>*sigh*… </p> <p>i still hav ea resting heart rate of 78… which is massive… i need to rest… and sleep alot… o well… </p> <p>zzzzzzz</p> <p>i shall sleep… </p> <p>BTW my bro’s getting married this saturday. </p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7209830099521456250.post-81345275611696757712009-11-18T13:46:00.001+10:002009-11-18T13:47:54.411+10:00Stress…<p>Hmmm… It’s almost at the end of exam blocks… I still have assignments stuff to do… and I think I’ve built up alot of stress in my body… I don’t know how that possibly works but it does… I feel so frustrated and irritated all the time… and my resting heart rate is through the roof…. I woke up this morning with a resting heart rate of 70bpm… that’s absurdly high… and during the day my heart rate is around the 90’s… so one feels like he’s constantly burning and feels like he just finished some intense exercise and constantly feels like he’s trying to catch his breath…. </p> <p>bleh… architecture… I know why they say the job satisfaction rate for architects is so high… the course is so long that everyone who didn’t like it dropped out long ago and only the diehards remain haha… I still like architecture don’t get me wrong… especially the theory part of it… but damn there is a lot of work to it… </p> <p>anyways.. I better get back to it… I need some kind of muscle relaxant i think… if they exist… o wait… their recreational drugs… lol</p> <p>anyways… back to it…</p> Vincenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16015121888770919570noreply@blogger.com0