I R Monster

You know something is wrong with you when people are afraid of you, and it got me thinking and I've come to the realisation that I have a severe lack of control over the amount of force I utilise. I have come to dread to game of touch footy, reason because people complain against me for using too much force... In fact I think I get that/will get that reaction in almost all social team sports games I play. I seem to accidentally hurt a lot of people... and I swear it must run in the family somehow, cos my brother had similar problems I think :P. It makes me afraid of making physical contact with anyone, particularly girls... I've accidentally hurt someone from a nudge, to a poke, a slap on the back and all sorts of relatively normal gestures.

I've even hurt myself because I got over-excited once... Last year at UF camp, we were playing dodgeball... And I managed to give myself an extremely bad grass burn on my knee that I still have quite a big scar from now. I crouched down as I pegged the ball and being overexcited I scrapped my knee on the grass... Didn't notice the burn until like 30 minutes later until I calmed down from the excitement...

It's probably a result of simply excessive amounts of adrenaline I guess... But yeah... When people tell you they are genuinely afraid of you when you play sports... You know its a bit of a problem...

See, if a task requires me to be gentle and controlled then I can force myself to do it but most of the time there are no restrictions... And I will inevitably use excessive force. I mean this problem even carries over to my talking and me playing instruments or in any activity I could potentially get excited over... I can talk really quitely and suddenly just talk like a megaphone... and when I play guitar I always get told that I'm strumming ridiculously hard... yet I feel like I'm just playing normally.

But yeah... I don't think there is any kind of way of restraining it... Which is kind of annoying... So yes... I hate playing mixed touch footy... cos I always end up hurting someone...

I mean I am much better at individual sports/challenges that require no restraint whatsoever, particularly full body exercises... Stuff like obstacle courses and rockclimbing or just running around like crazy or martial arts. The reason for that is probably the fact that I do not need to restrain or be gentle because I don't need to make contact or friendly contact with anyone...

But nyeah... I dunno... Random thought...