Recently I have found myself falling into this state of anxiety almost... Perhaps I'm starting to feel almost envious and a bit hopeless as well... I once wrote here about weddings once... about how I can only feel happy for someone else's relationships when I can see a blossoming relationship that has developed lasting and strong bonds like the roots of great trees... Well recently it seems like there has been so much news about relationships and engagements going around, both good and bad news, that it has kinda made me feel a bit lost... Not knowing where to go almost...
I've had people come to me for advice on relationship issues... and while I only would want to help my friends in the best way I can... and I try to give the best advice I can through... it feels so ironic and a bit saddening, because why would you ask me? (Well ok, maybe thats not entirely true, as more often than not the other person would only say they don't feel to happy and then I ask why... and eventually they ask for my opinion/advice) It's ironic because what do I know? I haven't actually had any experiences with relationships... I don't know what they are actually feeling... I only try to imagine or speculate... For me, deep inside, I feel frustrated because I have no idea what's really happening... it's like the blind leading the blind... I guess I feel a little saddened and a perhaps a bit envious because they had a relationship to start with.. but still I guess one of the real reasons is that I always get left wanting...
Yet I hear news about friends and people I know that are getting engaged and getting married or have just started dating etc etc etc... While I feel happy for them... I still feel similar feelings as what I just said above... I feel two faced... Deep inside, I'm still don't really feel happy... I dunno....
Ah well... maybe one day... I should go eat dinner... its 10pm...
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Healing Wounds
I was discussing with a friend today about relationships and what plans God had for them. Even BGRs between christians can fail, there is no arguing that, sometimes they just don't fit together well, some just undermine a good relationship from the inside. We are still fully human, fully weak and inadequate. That means that we still hurt each other all the time. We make mistakes, and we can make the same mistakes over and over again and in a way end up bringing our own pain upon ourselves by the lack of patience and self-control. God calls out to us (christians) and tells us when things are not right, when things are not pleasing to Him... And when things don't please Him, they are naturally unhealthy for you.
Humans have a habit of walking into beartraps of sin and disobedience even though we KNOW that it WILL hurt, we end up being spirtually emo in a sense where we are inflicting pain upon ourselves by not listening to God yet we feel so tempted into walking into them, you know a relationship isn't going to work, you know if you go out with that person again that it will not be better if they haven't undergone major change... You know your walking into a beartrap and you feel God calling you back and you have a feeling in your heart that God doesn't want you to do it... But... you go for it anyways, hopeful that he has changed but have no proof of it... and guess what? It ends up failing again and you are wounded once more.
These wounds bleed anger and clog up our relationships with other people, they make a mess of our emotions and we flatline our ability to be joyful. We end up hating each other, holding grudges against each other, and we always say things take time to heal. But... I don't believe that... When people say, things take time to heal it is only because they arn't prepared to be healed. They wish they were, but they are afraid of actually going to get healed. All that time it takes to heal these wounds and mend this relationships is basically people trying to build up the courage to step forward and accept the treatment. Its like a fear of needles basically...
I hate it when I see my friends who are in relationships fight over things in their relationships... If you need to be defensive in your relationships... If you need to defend yourself from the other person... Then aren't you basically hastening your relationships demise? Why fight over things that aren't important? Don't we all become absent-minded at some stage? Are you not being a hypocrite by saying "Why don't you do this?" or "How can you forget that?" and then sooner or later you forget to do stuff or say stuff? Of Course you are... Do hypocrites exemplify Godliness? no... Then what makes your relationships Godly if you continually judge each other? Isn't the aim of being Godly, being Christ-like one of the major side effects of knowing and loving our Lord Jesus Christ? Then if you are in a christian relationship, why do you fight? sure u disagree sometimes, different people, different opinions... but there is no need to be angry, to make each other guilty or to make the other feel bad for things that they do that don't agree with us... That is not Love... And Love is what God designed to make the world go round.
The emblem of BCAC is what we know as the Four-Fold Gospel. It exemplifies 4 Major "roles" that Jesus has. The Saviour, The Healer, The Sanctifier, and the Coming King. Jesus is the healer... all through the bible, Jesus healed the people who were faithful INSTANTLY. Those people WANTED to be healed, and they were willing to go whatever lengths they were capable of to get to Jesus. How many times has Jesus said "Your faith has healed you" or something similar or that the text says that the person was healed by faith? More times than I care to remember. So what makes our wounds any different? Whether its a relationship under stress or your in the aftermath of a broken relationship, just come before Jesus willingly without fear and be healed. It will only heal as fast as you are prepared to allow God to heal you. Cos seriously, if you are brave enough to ask someone out, then at least have the courage and humility to attempt to maintain it. Ask God to help you, as we are weak and face it, we are pathetic, good for nothing meatbags. But through God we have strength and power and JOY. Put God as number one priority and everything will fall into place.
Having said all that, and it may seem that I am speaking very aggressively about this. And maybe I am... As I feel somewhat like J.D to a point from scrubs... can't remember the episode but he goes hardcore rant about other people and their relationship problems. And truth is it is quite easy for me to say all this as a third party observer of someone else's relationship. And I respect that when it is actually you who is standing in those shoes that it is hard to see things wholistically... Your so close to the problem, with emotional attachements and all, that it is quite hard to be able to step back and see the bigger picture. And it can all be very overwhelming and it is very easy to become impatient with God and trying to do things in other ways and end up digging a bigger hole for yourself. And again having said all that, all is only my opinion, I have no proof of this and I don't actually know how hard it is because I've never been in a relationship before myself. So this is merely based on a mental construction of relationships that exists in my head, and it could be far from the truth.
Neways... That's my rant for today
Humans have a habit of walking into beartraps of sin and disobedience even though we KNOW that it WILL hurt, we end up being spirtually emo in a sense where we are inflicting pain upon ourselves by not listening to God yet we feel so tempted into walking into them, you know a relationship isn't going to work, you know if you go out with that person again that it will not be better if they haven't undergone major change... You know your walking into a beartrap and you feel God calling you back and you have a feeling in your heart that God doesn't want you to do it... But... you go for it anyways, hopeful that he has changed but have no proof of it... and guess what? It ends up failing again and you are wounded once more.
These wounds bleed anger and clog up our relationships with other people, they make a mess of our emotions and we flatline our ability to be joyful. We end up hating each other, holding grudges against each other, and we always say things take time to heal. But... I don't believe that... When people say, things take time to heal it is only because they arn't prepared to be healed. They wish they were, but they are afraid of actually going to get healed. All that time it takes to heal these wounds and mend this relationships is basically people trying to build up the courage to step forward and accept the treatment. Its like a fear of needles basically...
I hate it when I see my friends who are in relationships fight over things in their relationships... If you need to be defensive in your relationships... If you need to defend yourself from the other person... Then aren't you basically hastening your relationships demise? Why fight over things that aren't important? Don't we all become absent-minded at some stage? Are you not being a hypocrite by saying "Why don't you do this?" or "How can you forget that?" and then sooner or later you forget to do stuff or say stuff? Of Course you are... Do hypocrites exemplify Godliness? no... Then what makes your relationships Godly if you continually judge each other? Isn't the aim of being Godly, being Christ-like one of the major side effects of knowing and loving our Lord Jesus Christ? Then if you are in a christian relationship, why do you fight? sure u disagree sometimes, different people, different opinions... but there is no need to be angry, to make each other guilty or to make the other feel bad for things that they do that don't agree with us... That is not Love... And Love is what God designed to make the world go round.
The emblem of BCAC is what we know as the Four-Fold Gospel. It exemplifies 4 Major "roles" that Jesus has. The Saviour, The Healer, The Sanctifier, and the Coming King. Jesus is the healer... all through the bible, Jesus healed the people who were faithful INSTANTLY. Those people WANTED to be healed, and they were willing to go whatever lengths they were capable of to get to Jesus. How many times has Jesus said "Your faith has healed you" or something similar or that the text says that the person was healed by faith? More times than I care to remember. So what makes our wounds any different? Whether its a relationship under stress or your in the aftermath of a broken relationship, just come before Jesus willingly without fear and be healed. It will only heal as fast as you are prepared to allow God to heal you. Cos seriously, if you are brave enough to ask someone out, then at least have the courage and humility to attempt to maintain it. Ask God to help you, as we are weak and face it, we are pathetic, good for nothing meatbags. But through God we have strength and power and JOY. Put God as number one priority and everything will fall into place.
Having said all that, and it may seem that I am speaking very aggressively about this. And maybe I am... As I feel somewhat like J.D to a point from scrubs... can't remember the episode but he goes hardcore rant about other people and their relationship problems. And truth is it is quite easy for me to say all this as a third party observer of someone else's relationship. And I respect that when it is actually you who is standing in those shoes that it is hard to see things wholistically... Your so close to the problem, with emotional attachements and all, that it is quite hard to be able to step back and see the bigger picture. And it can all be very overwhelming and it is very easy to become impatient with God and trying to do things in other ways and end up digging a bigger hole for yourself. And again having said all that, all is only my opinion, I have no proof of this and I don't actually know how hard it is because I've never been in a relationship before myself. So this is merely based on a mental construction of relationships that exists in my head, and it could be far from the truth.
Neways... That's my rant for today
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Pre-Christmas Dinner with Neighbours...
Our neighbours are all taiwanese... and so they all speak mandarin... And I for one, don't understand mandarin, only extremely limited excerpts of it. So tonight my parents cooked up dinner and invited the neighbours over to our place. They are all pretty old might I add. My brother wasn't home as per usual so therefore I was the only youngling/teenager at the table. The only interesting thing for me was the food pretty much, cos I barely understood the conversations. Normally I can fit right into conversation of "adults"/elder people, but with a defining language barrier it was not possible, and so I was pretty much zoned out for the later 2/3rds of the dinner. During the first 3rd of the night though, I attempted to understand and surely enough I understood the topic that was, at the time, currently in conversation. From travelling to the cost of airfares, to shanghai holidays, etc. etc. etc. But what made it rather depressing though is that when every single person, that is significantly older than you, has asked you whether you have a girlfriend yet... I understood all those parts in mandarin, but one of the neighbours (who could actually speak english) asked me that question in english as a direct question, what can you do but have a hysterical grin and shake your head? It is depressing because it seems as though it is like a measure of reputation relative to age. After that the conversation continues in mandarin and my mum says that I don't have one because I seem too "childish"... I'm assuming she thought I wouldn't understand. But yeah... I've lost the direction that I was trying to head for this blog. But either way... It is rather depressing to hear that question from so many people so frequently... I might have blogged about it before, but I think I spoke about how whenever people talk about my brother's wedding when I'm around the question of "When will it be your turn?" inevitably rears it's ugly ass into the conversation.
O well... *sigh*...
O well... *sigh*...
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