Eye of the Relational Storm

Recently I have found myself falling into this state of anxiety almost... Perhaps I'm starting to feel almost envious and a bit hopeless as well... I once wrote here about weddings once... about how I can only feel happy for someone else's relationships when I can see a blossoming relationship that has developed lasting and strong bonds like the roots of great trees... Well recently it seems like there has been so much news about relationships and engagements going around, both good and bad news, that it has kinda made me feel a bit lost... Not knowing where to go almost...

I've had people come to me for advice on relationship issues... and while I only would want to help my friends in the best way I can... and I try to give the best advice I can through... it feels so ironic and a bit saddening, because why would you ask me? (Well ok, maybe thats not entirely true, as more often than not the other person would only say they don't feel to happy and then I ask why... and eventually they ask for my opinion/advice) It's ironic because what do I know? I haven't actually had any experiences with relationships... I don't know what they are actually feeling... I only try to imagine or speculate... For me, deep inside, I feel frustrated because I have no idea what's really happening... it's like the blind leading the blind... I guess I feel a little saddened and a perhaps a bit envious because they had a relationship to start with.. but still I guess one of the real reasons is that I always get left wanting...

Yet I hear news about friends and people I know that are getting engaged and getting married or have just started dating etc etc etc... While I feel happy for them... I still feel similar feelings as what I just said above... I feel two faced... Deep inside, I'm still don't really feel happy... I dunno....

Ah well... maybe one day... I should go eat dinner... its 10pm...