Convienience is Bliss

Welcome to my new blog :P everything looks the same as my old one, down to the url and everything :P enjoy... anyways i wont be posting much for now cos ARCHI is killing me and I'm getting owned so I better do some work...

maybe ill post later...

O and UF camp is this weekend so can't wait for that either :P

edit: OK not completely true.. there is a 2 on the end of my new url... cos they cant seem to get rid of my old one even tho i changed it before i deleted it...

Eye of the Relational Storm

Recently I have found myself falling into this state of anxiety almost... Perhaps I'm starting to feel almost envious and a bit hopeless as well... I once wrote here about weddings once... about how I can only feel happy for someone else's relationships when I can see a blossoming relationship that has developed lasting and strong bonds like the roots of great trees... Well recently it seems like there has been so much news about relationships and engagements going around, both good and bad news, that it has kinda made me feel a bit lost... Not knowing where to go almost...

I've had people come to me for advice on relationship issues... and while I only would want to help my friends in the best way I can... and I try to give the best advice I can through... it feels so ironic and a bit saddening, because why would you ask me? (Well ok, maybe thats not entirely true, as more often than not the other person would only say they don't feel to happy and then I ask why... and eventually they ask for my opinion/advice) It's ironic because what do I know? I haven't actually had any experiences with relationships... I don't know what they are actually feeling... I only try to imagine or speculate... For me, deep inside, I feel frustrated because I have no idea what's really happening... it's like the blind leading the blind... I guess I feel a little saddened and a perhaps a bit envious because they had a relationship to start with.. but still I guess one of the real reasons is that I always get left wanting...

Yet I hear news about friends and people I know that are getting engaged and getting married or have just started dating etc etc etc... While I feel happy for them... I still feel similar feelings as what I just said above... I feel two faced... Deep inside, I'm still don't really feel happy... I dunno....

Ah well... maybe one day... I should go eat dinner... its 10pm...

I R Monster

You know something is wrong with you when people are afraid of you, and it got me thinking and I've come to the realisation that I have a severe lack of control over the amount of force I utilise. I have come to dread to game of touch footy, reason because people complain against me for using too much force... In fact I think I get that/will get that reaction in almost all social team sports games I play. I seem to accidentally hurt a lot of people... and I swear it must run in the family somehow, cos my brother had similar problems I think :P. It makes me afraid of making physical contact with anyone, particularly girls... I've accidentally hurt someone from a nudge, to a poke, a slap on the back and all sorts of relatively normal gestures.

I've even hurt myself because I got over-excited once... Last year at UF camp, we were playing dodgeball... And I managed to give myself an extremely bad grass burn on my knee that I still have quite a big scar from now. I crouched down as I pegged the ball and being overexcited I scrapped my knee on the grass... Didn't notice the burn until like 30 minutes later until I calmed down from the excitement...

It's probably a result of simply excessive amounts of adrenaline I guess... But yeah... When people tell you they are genuinely afraid of you when you play sports... You know its a bit of a problem...

See, if a task requires me to be gentle and controlled then I can force myself to do it but most of the time there are no restrictions... And I will inevitably use excessive force. I mean this problem even carries over to my talking and me playing instruments or in any activity I could potentially get excited over... I can talk really quitely and suddenly just talk like a megaphone... and when I play guitar I always get told that I'm strumming ridiculously hard... yet I feel like I'm just playing normally.

But yeah... I don't think there is any kind of way of restraining it... Which is kind of annoying... So yes... I hate playing mixed touch footy... cos I always end up hurting someone...

I mean I am much better at individual sports/challenges that require no restraint whatsoever, particularly full body exercises... Stuff like obstacle courses and rockclimbing or just running around like crazy or martial arts. The reason for that is probably the fact that I do not need to restrain or be gentle because I don't need to make contact or friendly contact with anyone...

But nyeah... I dunno... Random thought...

RICE 2009 Review

Well RICE is over for the year... I guess I haven't documented any of it on here really... but yeah, it was an amazing experience of what God can do and watch Him touch and change the lives of people.

There was this kid wondering the streets outside the church during BDO, and apparently he heard the music and he came in to check it out. And he heard the gospel preached... I'm not sure if this was the kid that said he became a christian that day at BDO but man, it was amazing to see God working. I mean the kid was not with any adults or anything... just this lone kid in a stripey shirt all by himself. I mean only God knows the reasons why he was there that day but it was truly amazing that God did bring him there and intended for him to hear the gospel.

and then at the Rally. It was just amazing to see so many kids, 292 of them gathering there to listen and here the gospel, some of them for te first time. Some 32-40 kids said they wanted to know more about God. That night, something inside them stirred, perhaps we'll see them again next year at RICE 2010. 16 kids that night said they wanted to become christians, that is, to dedicate their lives to Christ. For those who don't know what that means, it means that they have recognised that they are lost in this world and lost to this world and that they wanted Jesus to save them. There is no amount of emphasis at the joy it brings to us to see even just one of those kids there to choose to follow Christ. For those who thinks that this is just silly superstition then I'd have to say, go hear the gospel for yourself before making any bias judgements. But yeah, to see God working and transforming these kids is just truly amazing and a massive blessing for us leaders. Last year I was one of those kids in the seats and yeah, the reality of the gospel hit me harder than a sledgehammer could ever hit me. I'd have to say RICE played a huge part in my own walk back to Christ.

But the God's blessing wasn't just in the events... It was amazing how everything we did just came together, even when things weren't going as we intended or imagined, in the end God was the one in control. This was God working through us, our eyes couldn't see what God could see. In the end I, personally, was stunned by how everything no matter how inadequate it felt just fell together.

Our God is truly amazing... anyways enough of this rant.
Go RICE! and I pray that God will keep working through RICE to win over the city of Brisbane! RICE 2010!

Weird Dream II : Talking Mice...

You know you have strange dreams when you start dreaming about pet mice that talk and cause trouble all over the place... lol... why (or perhaps how is more appropriate) a mouse would be on roller blades and tripping people over in public places is beyond me lol... I tend to have crazy dreams... Before I woke up from the weird dream I was saving the mouse from playing with a mousetrap... by sticking my hand in the mousetrap instead... lol and normally you wake up from your dreams just before your about to have a painful experience right? or maybe just me... but strangely enough it felt pretty convincing in my dream for some strange reason and I didn't wake up from it, then I snapped out of it and realised that I was late for Uni haha...

Altho it isn't nearly as strange as my gokart driving, skateboarding, and lightsaber 2v2 duel against sith drug dealers in a state school with Obi Wan Kenobi on my side... now that was a WEIRD dream lol...

People Dying.

So I heard from someone and from facebook that 3 people in Hollywood died today. People make such a big deal over it, "O I'm so sad, MJ is dead... The prince of pop is dead" or whatever. But really, is it really that much of a deal? When I heard it I just went "meh..."... Because I mean, people are dying every minute anyways so is it really anything out of the ordinary that some famous guy dies as well? Famous people are just as weak as us non-famous people, we are all gonna die anyways. Sure if your a personal friend of someone who dies then mourn. If your wife died then yeah, mourn because a part of you died with them. But I mean, tomorrow could be your last day, and while your reading this, some homeless guy just died somewhere out there. Do we feel sad or affected? Perhaps I'm just a cold-blooded, heartless person, but one of my grandfathers died when I was a kid, one of my aunties died when I was in grade like... 6 or 7? and one of my grandmother's died last year. I never shed a tear or felt sad, I mean everyone's loved ones will die eventually, so is it so special that one of my own family members died? Perhaps I see the bigger scheme of things beyond the immediate impact the death has to myself, I dunno. Or perhaps I'm just special, and couldn't care less... But I don't think that's the case. Perhaps I am just desensitised somehow...

But yeah... I dunno... I guess its because it was a natural death... all of my extended family died of natural deaths... stroke, breast cancer, lung failure. But perhaps I would be more affected if they weren't natural, but probably more so if it was because I couldn't stop the unnatural cause, ie. died from getting mugged. But yeah... anyways... That's what I had to say for today.

Screwed Up World

You hear it in the news all the time, and you figured that mannn this world is going down the crapper. People getting stabbed and bashed everyday n crap, and I mean it feels distant from us until you see these things with your own two eyes first hand. I mean about 2 or 3 weeks ago I was driving home from uni at night, and I was driving along Hawken drive, and I suddenly noticed that on the sidepath was some guy getting ganged up on by 3 other guys... First thought to pass through my mind was... "Crap, should I help him?"... but I realised that I was but one man, I would not be prepared to fight off 3 other guys, sure I do martial arts, but I ain't no Bruce Lee right, and it's not like I had a weapon handy to bash some skulls in either. So I didn't get off and help him. On the other hand I should have called the cops as well. But I don't understand why I didn't, in fact I guess I was kind of afraid to stop... It was the kind of "What if they came after me?" or some lame silly excuse that comes up when your in unexpected situations like this. In hindsight I wish I was a little braver and at least called the cops... Perhaps getting out to fight them off would have been a silly idea... And pulling a baton or a non-lacerating weapon (blunt) and smacking them probably would get me in trouble as well afterwards. But I dunno ay... It's days like these that makes me train extra hard at kung fu, to ensure things like these don't happen to me or my friends... But yeah... this world is pretty screwed up... But I wonder... for a christian right... in that situation should I just simply resort to violence to (assuming I can) incapacitate the 3 guys ganging up on the other guy? I mean, in this case I would be fighting fire with fire right? I could've like hung around and helped the guy after he got beaten... which is pathetic and sad and just dude wth... or I could go in and Chuck Norris their asses... In the end people are gonna get hurt so would it be so wrong for me to be the one dishing out the pain? It's not like I hate them, I'm just stopping them from hurting the other guy right? by beating the living crap out of them. I mean the bible is probably one of the most violent books you'll ever have the good fortune to read. So I mean... doesn't that mean violence can be done for good? I mean forgiveness is something you do after something has happened... but isn't prevention the best cure? If you can prevent something from happening then why wait until after the damage is done and forgive?

My interpretation is that everything comes down to intentions. I mean the army had chaplains and they have their services and what not... You have christian soldiers on the frontline killing other people... You have christian police officers resorting to lethal force... But what are you doing it for? For me, as long as you are doing it out of "love" so to speak... ie. out of care or concern. I mean whether my actions are justified in the eyes of the law is one thing, but if I did intervene that fight and did "win" I would have been doing so because I was concerned about the situation and what would happen to the other guy... It's not like I'm doing this out of "evil" desires, I'm not there to mug anyone, or to exact revenge or to do anything apart from wanting to help the person in danger so to speak.

But that's all talk anyways, all talk and no walk. I didn't end up doing anything at all. And that makes me just as useless. The good I wanted to do I could not do. By standing on the side and turning a blind eye, I might as well have been the person beating the guy up in the first place. So I'm just as pitiful as they are. This whole ordeal just makes me a bit guilty and a bit tight in the chest... A bit disappointed in my own lack of courage... and sense of justice and urgency... It makes me angry that I was too chicken to get out and help, not necessarily to fight but to even call the police... It frustrates me every time those 10 seconds of the night resurface in my head...

I remember recounting it to some friends and even to my mum... and they all responded with "Did you help him? Did you at least call the police? Why didn't you help him?" etc... Like being poked in the side by a red hot iron rod... Makes me want to turn back time, get out of the car, and just roundhouse kick them in the face...

Neways... I need to sleep... Just had to rant a little to get this off my chest... It is a pity that violence or threats of violence are the only things capable of preventing more violence... Such is the state of the world...